KIMCHIII....IN...SPAAACE!

Well, the first South Korean born astronaut, a woman, went into space earlier this week, April 8th I think, and the reason I'm posting this today is that it took me that long to stop laughing! Now don't get me wrong, being Korean myself, there is a certain amount of pride that comes with having to be the first of your own countrymen to achieve accomplishments as great as an astronaut exploring space. I even shed a tear, not for her achievement, but because I thought I had lost a twenty dollar bill out of my wallet.

So me and a co-worker went over various hilarious racial stereotypes related to this event as we so often do, and I thought immediately if there is anything that a Korean cannot be separated from is their main culinary staple of KIMCHI. As it turns out, the astronaut actually formulated a low-fat kimchi substitute, and was transported with her! So right as we breathe there is rotten fermenting cabbage orbiting above the Ukraine. If kimchi is not consumed by Koreans every 6 hours, we feel faint, our equilibrium is thrown off, resulting in complete loss of the sense of direction.

So I came up with a conclusion that is undeniably as valid as ramen noodles are cheap. A Korean that goes into space could not possibly make it back. Put general principle aside, there are a myriad of reasons why that space capsule will be seen by millions plummeting to earth in a kimchi red fiery ball. So here are my reasons why I will be contacting NASA to halt all projects relating to missions that include korean astronauts. Now, if your Korean, this will be amusing, if not, you wont know what the hell I'm talking about.

1. Spilled kimchi juice will eat through the hull.
2. Traditional rubber, canoe-shaped shoes will get stuck in hatch.
3. Ship would never leave ground, stow-away of mother and possible marriage candidate will be discovered.
4. Korean astronaut will never go up, there are no disco's in space.
5. Will never make it to the launch, too much arguing with family at home.
6. Could not pass character evaluation, too rude.
7. Tub of tofu would swish around too much.
8. Could not wear tacky, crooked golf visor while inside space helmet.
9. Eight day mission will result in eight missed days of bad golf, can't go.
10. No church in space, can't go.
11. Space suit is not made to accomodate a koreans short, stumpy legs.
12. Weightlessness would make a Koreans face look even more round.
    
13. NASA will not allow morning wake up song to be "Forever Young".
14. Will not go, can't take pastor.